realizations comes

naiiyak nanaman ako... ang habang panahon na naging insensitive ako sa mga nararamdaman nya...i had been the worst for the past one year of our relationship, kung hindi ka nagbago hindi ko marerealize lahat ng toh... i was too blinded of the fact na mahal na mahal mo talaga ako, i was too self centered to see that you were suffering so much that it almost killed you. Ang tapang at ang lakas ng puglet ko, he was able to endure me for one year na ganun ugali ko... now that i had realized how much pain i had gave him, hindi na ko magtataka at maninisi kung bakit siya nagbago at humanap ng iba...hindi na dn ako magugulat kung ganun man. Now that i've realized what i've done, now its my turn to be in his position! I'll be strong for him and i'll take everything that he throws at me just what he did. I'll do everything because he did everything for me, I WON'T EVER LET GO because he never let me go :) There might be times that i'd get weak and hopeless but in the end i'll strive to do my best because you did too. I SUCK, i thought i had given him the perfect love that he deserves but it was not even close to perfect!! I am a total failure, the things i said the things i wrote, they were all forgotten. I am so sorry for being a failure :( now that i had gained these realizations, i hope to finally give you the love that you want and deserve! YOU DESERVE MORE AND BETTER. So please give me a chance to show you how much love and care i can give to you. I miss how we used to be... oo nga pala, sana gumaling ka na, almost one week ka na din may sakit e :( kajdkkaljdlak :(((( depression mode again!! haay i hope things will get better for us because in every end of any day I always wanted you nothing more just you :'(

this is the saddest part of our love

:(( i really don't know what to do anymore si puglet ko, he changed his attitude towards me. Sobrang snobbish na siya sakn pagalit lge ung tono ng boses nya, hindi na siya nanglalambing sakin hindi niya na ko tinatawagan like always...i never new someone so special can change in such time... i love him so much that it hurt really bad... :(( anung bang gnawa ko..pano ka ba babalik sa dati...please just come back to being what you used to be :((

and there i was laying down in my bed thinking that you'd accept me even though i'm at my worst state but reality knocked and hit me he's never be going to be happy again if you are like that. I believed that people change over time either for worst or for better, if someone truly loves you he/she won't mind if you cry a lot if you are so damn curious about everything. I have change, yes i did, time changed me and it can't be helped. I have love and it's getting stronger everyday but you can't see it. I have changed both for worst and for better. This time i don't want anyTHING but anyONE would do, anyone who could accept me for who and what i am going to be.

i hope you can see the tears that i fear

the shadows had got me and they are near,

call me now or forever shall i sleep in thy mist.

#when you actually thought he would accept who you are. Sasabhin niya sayo na tanggap ka naman nya but he will still insist na mas gusto niya ung dati. IRONIC :) i accept the fact that everyone does not appreciate my everything. I learned to live with only half a life. Please sana . . . . someday i'll find someone who'll really love me... without any standards without any regret without any hesitation without any rule . Just love for real.

* insert sad title here *

days lang after my birthday and i feel devastated and depressed. Sa sobrang depress nagkapatong patong na mga problema ko. Sana di na lang ako nag birthday haha kasi ganun din naman malungkot lang din naman. This year is gonna be the saddest year ever, birthday ko pa lang sad na what more on the coming days that's why i never expect anything from anyone or something. Kase when you expect and your expectation was not fulfilled you will be more than crushed and devastated. Parang ung exam ko lang sa HRM kala ko maalala ko ung mga inaaral ko, i studied for like 1 and a half day for that subject pero nung nag exam i ended up having a huge frown on my face kase nakalimutan ko lahat ng inaral ko. HOW FUN DBA :) tapos when you got home may tatawag sayo kinakamusta ka then sinabe mo na wala kang nasagot sa test tas saknya parang wala lang, okay lang din un ganun, never expect nga dba, tapos kkwentuhan k nya ng kung ano ano na hindi nya alam n badtrip ka sobra, AND YOU CALL YOURSELF AS MY SOULMATE? based on this experience your pretty much not my soulmate :) Tapos while i try to cheer myself up by reminiscing ung mga memories na sobrang saya ko, you ended up making me feel even worse, more than devastated i was burned to hell. Thank you for destroying myself-cheering-up method. Lumabas na din ung totoo mong kulay, sige kasalanan ko lagi sorry kung ikaw lagi may kasalanan, sorry kung hindi ko mameet ung mga demand mong " madali " sorry din kung di ako katulad mo na sweet and stuff wag ka na mag aalala i changed myself already, so when u get back home today, you'll never feel the old me, CHERISH EVERY FEELING BECAUSE IT WON'T LAST FOREVER but i guess the feeling that i have now will be with me for a lifetime. I have no life to live only a body to move , thank you for making me feel this way, even though it crushed me , i'll be fine you won't care anyway. Birthday wish ko? siguro hmm, sana may makaintndi sakn, please? if not i think i'll die THOUGHTS CAN KILL. I slept with tears on my eyes and woke up having a lot of morning stars, then i cried ended up having a huge puffy eyebags. I can handle this everyday i'm used to this and i'll get through this. LOVE can change either for the best or for the worst. I had a lot to say but the mind can't say it all in words. I HAD MY SAY, I WILL OBEY, BECAUSE TODAY I AM NO LONGER ME BUT RATHER I AM YOU.

why so terrible mom?

dreams wishes and hopes all crushed down into bits, i don't even know where to start! seriously i'm really sad. aldksjalkda maygawd :( si mama kase eeeeh. BAKIT BA KONTRA BIDA KA! pwede ba suportahan mo na lang ako sa gusto ko?? SUPORTAHAN NYO KO SA GUSTO KO PWEDE?? ang sakit kase dba..sasabihan ba naman ako ng wag masyadong close kay paparenz kase bata pa daw ako at madame pa daw mangyayare , madame pa daw dadating...ano ba ibig mo sabhn..hindi kami magtatagal?? laro-laro lang to? ma! knock knock!! wala namang ganayanan..mahal ko yan e hayaan nyo na ko ginagalingan ko na nga sa pag-aaral di ba. Nag aaral na ko ng mabuti para wala na kayong masabi against us. Gusto ko magtagal kame as in forever ewan ko bat ako nasasaktan ng ganito..ewan ko :( i want him on my life and no one else!!! kung meron man dadating..pake ko sakanila may mahal na ko and i'll do anything for US to be FOREVER. I didn't love him for just experience!i don't want him to be just a chapter in my life!!!! i want him to be the leading man in my life, the sidekick who is always there, the bestfriend who always will be at the beginning and at the end!!! i love him because i know it's worth it and because i have faith in him. i know i'll be happy with you that is why i keep holding on to you. I know i'll never have regrets because i have him in my life. God please do help me in my battle for love :'(