the feels

Hi old blog, we meet again.
I made other blogs but I deleted them because I was so vexed about blogs/bloggers akjdla I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. The current feels that I have are like the ones I had when I was depressed and that does not look/sounds good. I remember back then i used to cry every night and i kept on hurting myself. I don't want to go back to those days. I don't want to feel bad about myself, i don't want to cry, i don't want to feel lonely and unwanted. I just want to feel happy and bright. I want to be free from my terrifying thoughts and negative aura. JAKDJSAJLA :( i wanna go out and be with my friends but it feels like that i don't have one. I know i have friends but it doesn't feel like that...my friends from high school, the girls i called barkada doesn't really speak to me that much right now, i mean look at them ..they look so happy without me. Nagulat na lang ako na they had a get together or something like that...may video pa sila. They didn't even asked me to go or like inform me na magkikita or am i just thinking it all for myself? baka hindi naman talaga dapat ako kasali dun kasi di naman ako needed doon? eh di ba friend nila ko? PLUS my best friend was there...so why didn't she tell me anything.....i mean...were bestfriends right....i don't know....it just feels sad and lonely. Everything has changed, college changed everything...i hate change. I don't know maybe i'll just try to ignore all these feels. well i've been ignoring these feels for quite some time. I can't take it anymore i'm breaking and it doesn't feel right. i just need someone to talk to. I just want my friends back.